the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
