It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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