Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
