I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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