Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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