An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
