Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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