the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
