listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
