dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
