i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
