You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I faked an abortion last night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
