my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
