I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
