i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
