just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As shirtless as possible
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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