I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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