that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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