I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
