the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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