I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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