Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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