There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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