She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
