Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I love you.
Bad choice
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
