I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
