even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
