How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
