We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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