I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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