I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
