i was born a porn star she said
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
