And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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