If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Floor bacon is actually really good
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