i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
