i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
