She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
