I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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