Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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