She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
