I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
