When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
