im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
