So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
