did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize