i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize
