I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
