he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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