so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Randomize
