I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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