I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize