All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
