Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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