I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
