Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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