how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Terrible idea I love it
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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