You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
