this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize