I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
