I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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