Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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