I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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