i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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