you would pick up someone in the library
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
