oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
