It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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