considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
